«

»

Jan
05

My Top Twenty Broken New Years Resolutions

For comic relief for the New Year I offer here some of my broken resolutions published in my Control Talk column plus a new number one.

(20) Listen intently to my wife’s instructions. Why does my mind still jump to weighty matters like what is next for dinner?

(19) Stop making cheap control valve jokes. Could the next final element reputation I hurt be my own?

(18) Help make smart diagnostics smarter. Do I need to de-fussify my fuzzy logic?

(17) Stop lusting in my heart for more computing power. Is it the PC or me that is the constraint?

(16) Turndown the volume on my headphones. What did you say?

(15) Stop drinking cheap wine. Does good wine ever come in a size large enough?

(14) Read a college text on control theory. Can I watch Star Trek without setting up the state space equations?

(13) Stop answering a question with a question. Why should a consultant do this?

(12) Spend more time with my wife than with Control magazine. Whatever happened to my January issue?

(11) More bark than bite. Can I at least growl? Will I be forced to wear an anti-bark collar? Is this better than a muzzle?

(10) Stop making fun of seniors. Who else do I know? We certainly aren’t an endangered species with the influx of baby boomers.

(9) Stop focusing on deadtime. What else is there at Sun City? Whoops, I am already breaking my last resolution.

(8) Final element resolution resolution. Why should I get unstuck when valves are stuck and it gives me a chance to repeat words?

(7) Get into hybrids. No issue here with fashion models. Can a hybrid face up to a 2 ton high lift truck with a cattle guard? Can I drive under a cow?

(6) Show my more sensitive side. Wait, will I confuse people including myself? Do I have to start watching “Brothers and Sisters?”

(5) Stop drinking cheap booze. I will give this another shot.

(4) Listen to hip-hop. What if I am not hip and can’t hop?

(3) Become rich and famous. How about poor and infamous?

(2) Lean how to sell. How can I sell a product when I can’t sell myself?

(1) Stop pushing the Essential Book even though the royalties are donated for wireless research at the University of Texas and the book is like a fine wine with a lush blend of technology with rich overtones, a balanced feel, and a lingering finish. What if readers like cheap wine? What if readers are not UT fans? What if they are rooting for Alabama? What if they think wireless research will be used in the BCS game?